Yesterday our lives sped up a bit.
At my normal (weekly at this point) exam, my Dr. Informed us that I am already 1 cm dilated, and she was pretty sure I would not make it to my due date, and told us to be ready to lose a week, which would put the baby due on Fathers day! Should make for an interesting first fathers day for Cris and the Grampas.
However this morning I had an experience ( I will spare you the details, because.. well- gross) that my Dr. informed me would probably move the date up even more.
Like within the next week.
All I can think about is all the little things that we haven’t been able to get done. Is the house clean enough? I need to take the bags of clothes to the thrift store. Did the new shower caddy get built and added to the shower? I need to get the mound of clothes and purses off my floor by the bed so we can put the bassinet there… we are ready, but there’s so many tiny little details that I never got around to. Even as I type my head fills with more small tasks that “have to be done!” Of course our amazing family and friends are ready and willing to help, and its so appreciated, but I’m so tired most of the time that I feel guilty for not being able to pitch in.
I have been told not to stress about it, because the main stuff is ready, but I can’t help thinking that my friends who are pregnant were done with their nurseries months ago, but aren’t due till next month or later…
Why couldn’t I pull it together enough to get this stuff done sooner? I suppose every one is different, but its something that’s bugging me a bit.
The other thing I’m nervous about is the postpartum experience. At this stage you start to hear things about watching for possible depression, and delay in healing correctly if I don’t allow my self proper rest. And this on top of having a little person with a constant need for your attention and tenderness is intimidating to say the very least. I’m grateful that Cris will be there, but with our plan of breastfeeding, I’m under no delusion that I will be able to get much else done.
It’s such an exciting time, and we have been so focused on experiencing everything in the moment, that I haven’t really been able to focus on the “After” stuff, now it feels like its happening way too fast, and yet, strangely not fast enough.
I think both of us are torn between “Slow the heck down little one!” and “Hurry up! We can’t wait to meet you!”